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A Different Path of Life | Saturday, July 16, 2016
July 14th, 2016.
Definitely a mixed feelings for myself on this date. Masha'Allah.. just 2 days ago, so much has happened!
Well, to start off.. I gave birth to a beautiful babyboy!
Yes, I gave birth.
Freaking gave birth!
Yeah, a baby!
Alive!
Breathing!
Haha. True fact. But I can't actually exposed my baby to the world or spread the news to my extended family or friends. Well, because I'm not legally married yet. I'm a single mum for now. Is it shameful? Hm. To be honest, I don't pretty much care what people think. Some have big mouths with small minds. Even when you tell them the truth, still they will choose to tell a different story. That's life, people will definitely talk. So yeah, I don't mind.
What's important for me now is that I'm OK and my baby's OK. He's in SCBU now, though. He's underweight when I delivered him, at only 1.99kg, on July 14th 2016 @ 6:56pm. I gave birth naturally, but the baby is pre-matured.. and how does it feel?
Fuhhhhhh, you really want to know?
Haha. It was the most painful experience I've ever had. Once a friend of mine asked, which is the most painful? The contraction, when the midwife cut my vagina off or the stitching part? Woo, let me tell you it's all of them! All at different times! The contraction when the baby wanted to 'go out' but stucked in the middle of my cervix even when I pushed hard.. then the midwives cut my vagina open, gosh.. In malay we call it 'menyilu'. But relieved that the baby was delivered safely. It doesn't end there, after the relief, they have to stitch me up. Zig zag method, with a hook as the needle. Hm hm hm.. is it imaginable? Haha. I have so much respect for mothers now.. ya Allah, seriously. You can't disrespect women. What they've gone through is practically hell on earth when giving birth. With 50-50 chances of living.
Oh btw, neither my parents nor my siblings know that I was pregnant. I didn't plan to tell them and give the baby away. But since I'm not married and there was complications during my delivery, they have to inform my parents about my delivery proccess. So practically they knew while I was in the labor room! Obviously they were shocked. Because well, it wasn't obvious that I was pregnant.
Last full-length photo of me 2 days before my unexpected delivery. Not obvious, right? Haha. I was getting ready to go jalan, then the contraction happened, and my water broke! While in the car!
The liquid which they call it the mucous or something. So around 3:30pm I was there in the emergency room in Tutong Hospital, then the labor up until 5:30pm. Kept pushing, the baby's head was still stucked in my cervix. They sent me downtown to RIPAS Hospital by an Ambulance then straight to the labor room! Finally after all that I told earlier, I safely delivered a babyboy naturally.
Welcome to the world, baby! (Few hours after birth)
I hope Allah grant you strength as strong as Prophet Muhammad SAW to endure all the objections of life ahead of you. Aamiin.
I experienced 'Love At First Sight' for the second time with my son, after experiencing it with his father, Muhammad Azfar (last 5/6 years ago) ☺️ not a surprise that Azfar is the father.. we never leave each other!
But Alhamdulillah, I'm so grateful and very much thankful that my family (especially my parents) for accepting the shocking news within the limited time. Ayah yang 'Azan' kan baby. I know it's hard for them to accept that I delivered a baby and I'm not married.. but yeah, syukur Alhamdulillah. Also few of my family members have been supportive all along ❤️
My parents with my son.
* More baby photos coming! Hehe.
Now thinking of good meaningful name to give upon him. Muhammad Eijaz Fahri. Sounds nice?
It means..
Still thinking, but that name stuck in my mind. I probably go for Eijaz (which mean 'keajaiban' / 'miracle' ), after all he's a miracle baby anyway!
Muhammad Eijaz Fahri
I can't express how happy I am and relieved that the important people in my life knew and accept my son with loving arms. Alhamdulillah.
And I can't bear the fact that I'm giving away my son to other people, so I decided to keep my son from the moment I heard him cry for the first time and endure whatever happens after this! I have to be strong for my son as I have been strong for my family. In Sha Allah, I can be a great mother. And giving him away isn't reflecting that I am.
Hence, this is definitely a different path of life for me. A new beginning. A great one, I'm sure ☺️ Masha'Allah, I'm a mother now 😱 hehe.
Labels: BabyBoy, Blessed, Different Path