..and be your own future planner ☆
A Different Path of Life | Saturday, July 16, 2016
July 14th, 2016.
Definitely a mixed feelings for myself on this date. Masha'Allah.. just 2 days ago, so much has happened!
Well, to start off.. I gave birth to a beautiful babyboy!
Yes, I gave birth.
Freaking gave birth!
Yeah, a baby!
Alive!
Breathing!
Haha. True fact. But I can't actually exposed my baby to the world or spread the news to my extended family or friends. Well, because I'm not legally married yet. I'm a single mum for now. Is it shameful? Hm. To be honest, I don't pretty much care what people think. Some have big mouths with small minds. Even when you tell them the truth, still they will choose to tell a different story. That's life, people will definitely talk. So yeah, I don't mind.
What's important for me now is that I'm OK and my baby's OK. He's in SCBU now, though. He's underweight when I delivered him, at only 1.99kg, on July 14th 2016 @ 6:56pm. I gave birth naturally, but the baby is pre-matured.. and how does it feel?
Fuhhhhhh, you really want to know?
Haha. It was the most painful experience I've ever had. Once a friend of mine asked, which is the most painful? The contraction, when the midwife cut my vagina off or the stitching part? Woo, let me tell you it's all of them! All at different times! The contraction when the baby wanted to 'go out' but stucked in the middle of my cervix even when I pushed hard.. then the midwives cut my vagina open, gosh.. In malay we call it 'menyilu'. But relieved that the baby was delivered safely. It doesn't end there, after the relief, they have to stitch me up. Zig zag method, with a hook as the needle. Hm hm hm.. is it imaginable? Haha. I have so much respect for mothers now.. ya Allah, seriously. You can't disrespect women. What they've gone through is practically hell on earth when giving birth. With 50-50 chances of living.
Oh btw, neither my parents nor my siblings know that I was pregnant. I didn't plan to tell them and give the baby away. But since I'm not married and there was complications during my delivery, they have to inform my parents about my delivery proccess. So practically they knew while I was in the labor room! Obviously they were shocked. Because well, it wasn't obvious that I was pregnant.
Last full-length photo of me 2 days before my unexpected delivery. Not obvious, right? Haha. I was getting ready to go jalan, then the contraction happened, and my water broke! While in the car!
The liquid which they call it the mucous or something. So around 3:30pm I was there in the emergency room in Tutong Hospital, then the labor up until 5:30pm. Kept pushing, the baby's head was still stucked in my cervix. They sent me downtown to RIPAS Hospital by an Ambulance then straight to the labor room! Finally after all that I told earlier, I safely delivered a babyboy naturally.
Welcome to the world, baby! (Few hours after birth)
I hope Allah grant you strength as strong as Prophet Muhammad SAW to endure all the objections of life ahead of you. Aamiin.
I experienced 'Love At First Sight' for the second time with my son, after experiencing it with his father, Muhammad Azfar (last 5/6 years ago) ☺️ not a surprise that Azfar is the father.. we never leave each other!
But Alhamdulillah, I'm so grateful and very much thankful that my family (especially my parents) for accepting the shocking news within the limited time. Ayah yang 'Azan' kan baby. I know it's hard for them to accept that I delivered a baby and I'm not married.. but yeah, syukur Alhamdulillah. Also few of my family members have been supportive all along ❤️
My parents with my son.
* More baby photos coming! Hehe.
Now thinking of good meaningful name to give upon him. Muhammad Eijaz Fahri. Sounds nice?
It means..
Still thinking, but that name stuck in my mind. I probably go for Eijaz (which mean 'keajaiban' / 'miracle' ), after all he's a miracle baby anyway!
Muhammad Eijaz Fahri
I can't express how happy I am and relieved that the important people in my life knew and accept my son with loving arms. Alhamdulillah.
And I can't bear the fact that I'm giving away my son to other people, so I decided to keep my son from the moment I heard him cry for the first time and endure whatever happens after this! I have to be strong for my son as I have been strong for my family. In Sha Allah, I can be a great mother. And giving him away isn't reflecting that I am.
Hence, this is definitely a different path of life for me. A new beginning. A great one, I'm sure ☺️ Masha'Allah, I'm a mother now 😱 hehe.
Labels: BabyBoy, Blessed, Different Path
The 'Jush' Family | Friday, August 21, 2015
The 'Jush' family. Frankly, one of the families I love most. Apart from my own family. Hehe.
No, they are not my relatives by blood, they are not my in-laws nor are the males my husband or spouse or boyfriend.
Still, they are one of many families I love most dearly! They have the purest hearts, wide wisdom, insanely xtreme work ethic, and especially the tight family bonding that they have. Masha'Allah. Every families' dream to have such a life spent together! The connection that they have is so so strong that nothing can break them apart. Every individuals have their unique strengths that each one of them never fail to inspire me.
From Hj Julaihi and Pg Hjh Shaerah (daddy and mummy, they prefer) to Jozy Julaihi (who swears to never let his next generation to starve or become beggars) to Reena Julaihi and Joe Narawi (the couple who desires to be a winner in their family's eyes) to Weera Julaihi (who brought his parents to this wonderful business and helped to pursue his parents' dreams: DEBT-FREE!) to the youngest in the family, Fifiy Julaihi (who never want to feel the need to work for money, but let money works for her). Amazing isn't it? Their extended family also inspires me greatly, Mikaa Jewel (this girl's sayings are always in my head, "Can you even imagine the feeling when we're travelling as single ladies for free luxuriously?" Oh yeaa~ It hits me well!) and the soon-to-be wife to Weera Julaihi, Hamyzah Hazwani (who always remind me the joy of being a full-timer in the business and how Amway came into her life when no employment approach; not even one!) interesting, right?
Ya Rabb, how I wish I'm part of the family but I have no complains 'cause I'm very blessed that I'm a tiny part of their huge WARRIOR family. Alhamdulillah!
You are probably amazed... I know! 'Cause I feel the same way, too! So remarkably inspiring that I could always cry whenever they speak on stage. Hence, I can't wait for the Next Level!
- XO.
Labels: #FlashbackFriday #HardcoreWarrior #JumpakamidiNextLevel #Muchlove❤️
Warrior Dream Camp S.5 | Sunday, August 2, 2015
I NEED to resign from my work! I have all planned out. My gosh! Okay here's the actual schedule.
27.08.2015 - 21% with full, strong and potential structure.
01.09.2015 - Submitting my resignation letter.
24.09.2015 until 27.09.2015 - Warrior Xcape 2015 @ Bangkok, Thailand! I NEED to qualify this, I have planned where in Bangkok to go 😭
01.10.2015 - Last day of work (first and last job of my entire life! Yeay! 😍)
03.10.2015 - 04.10.2015 - MUS Melaka, Malaysia.
So you see, I have everything planned out for me. And to achieve this, I need to be an Emerald Apparentince for 09.08.2015 XES. 3 legs@20+ and 1 leg@10+ and 20+ PE [or] 100+ XES. I have no other choice, you see. I need to do this! I need to be one of the BLACK SHIRT WARRIOR 😭
I know I can do it! 😭😤
XO.
Setelah Sekian Lama.. Aku kembali~ | Saturday, August 1, 2015
Hello, blogging world. I just feel like blogging now 1) because I haven't blog for awhile now 2) I miss composing long stories of my concerns or stories of my everyday almost interesting life 3) it's 31 days left counting months for ALS MEDDITERRANEAN CRUISE 2016 and I'm freakin' out!
No 21% this month, HIGH RISK no Medditerranean Cruise 2016!!!! HIGH RISK!!!! Wake up!!!
I know, awesome! That is freakin' why I need to qualify myself as an Emerald Direct!
And 3legs@20+ XES and 1 leg@10+ is a must done deal! C'mon girl, you need to be the proof!!!
MENANGIS LAH IF YOU HAVE TO! TERIAK LAH IF YOU CAN'T STAND IT! BUT JANGAN MENYERAH IF YOU ARE EXHAUSTED! YOU ARE ALMOST THERE! 😤😤😭😭
XO.
Labels: black shirt warrior, Medditerranean Cruise 2016
That quote thats.... | Thursday, August 14, 2014
In the end of the day, it all comes to one word. All that happened within that day, you will learn few lessons, experiences, blessings and everything else in between.. And all that can be compressed into one word: R E F L E C T.
During highschool, I never understood the meaning of reflection, or 'look yourself in the mirror', or 'put yourself in my shoes' and every other phrases that relate to self, or what I call, inner-individuality.. Or in simplicity, reflection :) What you do during that day, how you treat people, what you do good/bad, the way you think, how you see things, and what you say or how you say it.. Will, for sure, 100% guaranteed will bounce back to you. Eventually, if you're having a bad day.. You know, either you admit it or not, who to blame.
For those who brings a 'mirror' all the time, well done. You realize what/how people treat you by reflecting your inner-individuality. I'm sure you have an awesome personality and a humble heart! For those who is, what I call, lazybum (hehe) to bring a 'mirror'.. Take a step back, and look. There's still a side of you that is pure. Keep searching, and you'll be great!
XO
Starting Fresh! |
*** I was meant to post this back in March 23rd, 2013.. March 23, 2013! (Ya Rabb) the procrastination. ***
Hello Mello Yellow.. hehe, haven't blogged since ever! lol. How are you my readers, if anyone even read my blog. Haha. My life has been bittersweet. I haven't change much, even more of a thinker. And a lot, A LOT of things that I don't want to happen, happened. Let me just briefly describe most of it here.. right now.
I had my A'level Examinations October/November last year. I thought I did well, y'know? I enjoyed studying the subjects, I was starting to get the subjects, and stuffs like that. But little did I know, when the results are released from the MOE, I didn't make it. I just a little grade called AS Level for my General Paper and that's it. Frankly, I haven't cried because of my results. I just cried because.. well, because I questioned myself why can't I make any achievements in life. I started to question my existence, my abilities, my talents, y'know that feeling? No? Then you must be very positive, and positive minds are good for individuals. And that leads to my organization, my business and my individuality.
...................................................................................................................................................................
August 14th, 2014
Masha'Allah, a lot of things aren't in my initial plan happened throughout the year 2013 and 2014. Who would have thought that I would be accepted to work at the largest banking company all around the world and basically get partnership with the well-known, world-wide direct-selling company as a part-time (Totally loving it!). And now I'm writing to re-start my almost dead blog to review all the things that happened. It's like going back to the past, but it's healthy to learn from the mistakes that we made. Agreed? Agreed! Haha.
So.. WHAT'S INTERESTING ABOUT YOUR LIFE NOW, ZUREEN? Some may ask (or not, this blog is basically recovering from the dead. Haha)
Well, let me re-cap back on what's interesting.. hm oh wait, I've grown! Okay, lame~ but yes, I've grown throughout my journey as a young woman from the highschool girl that everyone loves to hate (in which I would love someone to confirm that this isn't true). Let's just say it's because of my crowd, and by crowd I mean the people I always hang out with during my part-time activity. Just look at the bright side of me working in a banking company, I learnt to be wiser in financial planning and security (still learning!) and I realized that my family aren't that rich/wealthy. Yes, I don't come from a rich/wealthy family, but Alhamdulillah I am grateful mostly because I was taught to be humble and kind.
Anyway, speaking of the people I hangout with... they are insanely huge dreamers and doers, and Masha'Allah, everyday I am inspired by their hardwork, consistency and persistency in their goals. It always make me think, and reflect myself of when will I be leading towards the good. Great, even! The potential is there, and the commitments can be stronger. Just.. when will I start? When will my own reflection shows who I am inside? (I'm literally singing with tears run through my chubby cheeks. LOL! But seriously.)
But that's just it. My fear controls my mind. And my mind controls my actions. Moreover, with procrastination along the way isn't helping at all. Therefore, I love to hang out with the people who always bring me higher than where I am now.. though we can't get rid of the people who intented to bring us down. It's okay, for all that will always be our life-lessons.
That's a wrap everybody *cricket sound*, haha but truthfully.. there's a lot more of my story in these years to squeeze into one post. So 'til my next post!
XO
Where have all the times gone? | Thursday, November 15, 2012
Well, no one ever ask me this.. but myself. I think talking to myself isn't necessarily a bad thing, right? No? Okay, whatever. Anyway, I ask myself this quite frequently, and now I'm gonna ask you J
WHAT DO YOU MISS MOST ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL?
Yeah, is it just me or does everyone else question themselves this? Well, I've given a lot, literally a lot of thoughts into the question. Honestly, I miss everything about high school. As much as I complained how high school had destroyed my life, which leads to my horrible academic results and mostly all the terrible 'reputation' I had. Haha, as cheesy as it sounds, high school kids do 'depend' on these reputations. But really, I miss how I used to get scolded by the teachers because I was always failing, and all the negative inputs that people gave me. I believe those are the things that make us stronger.
Okay, you may say, "It doesn't make me strong at all, b*tch!" or that, "I'm not strong enough for this life.". I understand. I understand how you feel, I felt the same way, too.. but then I found out a different way of being happy. And guess what? I survived. Yeah, you probably will argue again with me that I have no idea what you're going through. How it's not the same. I know. Our past aren't the same.. but the way I see it, you can either accept your situation and live by it for the rest of your life or change it for the better.
Is change good? Honestly, I don't know. I don't know whether it's good or not. People often say that I've changed.. and I accepted it, but I'm happier. So at that point, does other people's thought of me changing matter? I think not. All that mattered is that I'm happy. Your happiness is even greater than other people's opinions. Am I right or wrong? Again.. it doesn't bother me. Haha.
So okay, back to the main question. What do you miss most about high school? Other than getting scolded by the teachers, I really miss the people that entered in my life for the last 5 years of high school. And I'm not even kidding. Since form 1 up until now, I miss every single person who entered my life, even if it means just for awhile. Well, do I have the right to say the names? Yes. But I prefer not to, because if they miss me as much as I do, they'll contact me.. even if I have limited time to spare. I don't regret anything I've done, whoever I spent my time with, or wherever I went to. There are things that we don’t want to happen, but have to accept. Things we don’t want to know, but have to learn and people we can’t live without but have to let go. They are now either my sweetest memories, or just worthy of the life lessons.
"God doesn’t give you the people you want. God gives you the people you need."
XO